I am in my 21st year of therapy, my 6th year as a therapist, and I continue to be amazed at the wisdom within us when we go deep.
This particular teaching comes from my teen-self. Amazing how wise she was at that age. Despite not having followed her wisdom myself for many years, I now know this lesson through and through!
If you are serious about having a happy & healthy relationship, you must pick someone who is healthy in body, physically present, and emotionally available.
I was involved with someone once during my very young years whose skin broke out in a rash because of excessive alcohol consumption. This person later went on to commit suicide – obviously not relationship material.
Obesity, anorexia, addiction, illness, disease – any one of these things causes a person to be unhealthy in body, which means that they cannot fully show up in love. They have their own business to take care of, their own healing to do, before they can be a partner to you.
In order to have a fulfilling love relationship, the dude or the chick needs to be there! They need to be there in the flesh, in your day-to-day living to support you and you to support them. Also, the best marriages are the ones with the most frequent sex.
A person who is not physically present is literally not relationship material because they are the other half of the materials that you need to form the relationship!
There are those people who are physically present but emotionally checked out. Unless a person is attuned to your emotional needs, interested in your thoughts, and aware of and concerned about your inner life, then they are not relationship material. Someone who is relationship or commitment avoidant or someone who is not attuned or sensitive to your needs is not relationship material.
To recap, if you want a happy, fulfilling relationship you must pick someone who is healthy in body, physically present, and emotionally available. That much I know for sure!
Heather Hans, LCSW, MSW, MBA, CPIC, is a Visionary, Healer & Teacher, and the author of The Heart of Self-Love: How to Radiate with Confidence. It is Heather's firm belief that loving oneself is necessary to have fulfilling relationships and a successful life. Join Heather’s 30-Day confidence challenge at avanoo.com