Written by Heather Hans, Published by YourTango on July 5, 2018
It's not all puppy tails and butterflies ... but it's pretty darn awesome.
If you've asked yourself the question, "Am I in love?" you are far from alone. Trying to Identify clear signs that you're falling in love with your boyfriend or girlfriend, or solid proof that this person you're dating is your genuine, true soulmate, is one of the most complicated aspects of romantic relationships.
The key to understanding your own love life, however, lies in finding the space to simply allow yourself the freedom to be, feel, and experience.
The more we judge, condemn, hate, and are intolerant of different aspects of ourselves and our own lives, the less tolerance we have for others, whereas when we accept and embrace the totality of ourselves and our lives, rather than only those parts that make us happy, we are able to provide that same love and acceptance to others as well.
In other words, the more we love and accept our own quirks and weirdness, the more likely we are to recognize what's happening when we fall in love with someone.
Genuine love is about expanding our personal sphere to include others, and we do that by making more room to love ourselves.
By allowing all of our feelings to exist without wishing away those that make us uncomfortable, we allow others to love us in return.
So, if you are wondering whether or not you are falling in love (or already in it), here are 18 signs you already know your boyfriend or girlfriend is your genuine soulmate.
1. You care more about having a relationship than you do about being right.
I have done informal research for many years on couples who have had not just long-lasting relationships, but fulfilling ones. One of the best words of wisdom I got was from a woman who had been married for over 60 years. When asked what her secret was she replied, “I let him think he was in charge.”
Relationships deteriorate when they become a battle of wills. Your relationship should be a safe haven of safety and support, not a battleground in enemy territory.
2. You accept your partner’s imperfections.
There are varying degrees of perfectionism, though we all have at least a bit of it. It’s important to strive for greatness and not settle on a mate just because you want to be with someone. Settling always comes back to bite you and erodes your self-esteem over time.
Yet even when you find the person you want to spend your life with, you will be exposed to their imperfections, which can be hard to handle at times.
And let’s face it, some people’s imperfections are just not for you and that’s OK!
3. You are patiently allowing the relationship to unfold.
You have come to the realization that forcing things would only harm the love developing between the two of you.
Forcing and grasping are signs of fear and desperation. The law of attraction brings to you the same energy you carry, so operating from a negative state brings you more negativity. Forcing implies a lack of trust and gratitude, the two highest and most abundant spiritual states. What’s yours will come to you if you allow it, but it can’t get in when your fists are clenched and clinging.
Being open and patient with the way your relationship unfolds is a sign that you feel genuine love.
4. You realize you're the one who needs to change when the going gets tough.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking other people need to change — that if only they behaved better, your life would be easier — but the journey is about changing yourself, not others.
If you can find in yourself what you dislike in others and make the change in yourself you wish to see in them, you change the relationship indirectly by changing the way they react to you. They will feel your earnest efforts to create harmonious relations.
Most of all, you will evolve to a higher level within yourself, which is one of the main purposes of love and partnership.
5. You support your partner’s needs above getting what you want, when you want it.
When you love someone, you want what’s best for them more than you care about what they can do for you. This is also a logical way to think, because a relationship can only be as healthy and loving as the two people in it.
Your beloved’s well-being helps to create a healthy partnership for both of you.
When you find yourself putting their well-being above your specific wants, you are falling in love.
6. Your main priority is emotional attunement with your partner.
Relationships are largely based on subtle communication between two people. When you fall in love, you want to get to know all the nuances of your partner and provide them what they need to feel safe and secure. The way you establish safety and security is to be emotionally attuned to them.
Understanding their inner world and reflecting it back to them, along with being sensitive to their needs and trigger points, is how you establish attunement.
When you fall in love, you are motivated to make this process a priority.
7. You value growing your relationship more than you do staying busy.
Relationships are different than those endeavors that involve a start and completion date. Rather than banging through tasks, falling in love requires that you slow down and enjoy each moment and process.
Take things one day at a time. You must become OK with getting off task, as well as taking time to listen to the messages and signs around and within you.
8. You allow cooperation, balance, harmony and mutual respect to take the lead.
Love is a two-way street. Anytime there is a number is greater than one, there can be harmony or discord, depending on how things mix. Most everything in the universe operates in a harmonious rhythm, including the human body. When the body is out of balance, it becomes diseased, and the same is true in relationships.
When you’re falling in love, you seek harmony with your mate. This doesn't mean conflicts never arise. That would be unreal, and it would keep you stagnant. But when strife does occur, you are highly motivated to find what it has to teach you, and to learn and grow accordingly, thereby creating harmony once again.
Each time, the harmony becomes fuller, because both partners expand their capacity to love through the process.
9. Something feels like family about the two of you.
You have similar interest and backgrounds, and the person you share a bed with feels like family to you when you are in love.
Being somehow connected by tribe, generation, or and another part of your identity allows you to merge into a feeling of oneness and familiarity more easily.
10. You want to live and die together.
When you are genuinely in love, you merge with your partner. While you still have your independent life, thoughts, and soul, part of you is changed forever, in a way similar to when you become a parent.
You can never go back to who you were before them, nor do you want to, and you never want to be without them. It's not that you want to be literally joined at the hip, but you do want to stay together even when you make the transition of leaving this life.
11. You realize your partner doesn't create your happiness.
You are past the stage of thinking someone is going to make you happy. You know that you are the one who has to make yourself happy, and you take ultimate responsibility for this accordingly.
12. You are forgiving with each other.
Close, long-term relationships require a lot of forgiveness, as we all have evil within us. Not the kind of evil that comes from a demonic source, but evil caused by ignorance, self-absorption, prejudice, past baggage and projections.
Everyone will hurt you, and the closer you are to someone and the longer your relationship with them lasts, the quantity and depth of hurts will increase.
When you are able to forgive your partner, you are genuinely falling in love with them. We each have a different threshold of what’s forgivable and what isn't. Ultimately, you are the authority on your own life and must decide what is and is not forgivable.
13. Your lovemaking is a deeply spiritual and emotional experience.
When you merge into a connection beyond the physical, you are falling in love. You are uniting with another person in ways that are invisible, which is what love is — invisible, but very real.
14. You exist in an atmosphere of trust.
Any betrayal, no matter how small, is repaired as soon as possible. You can love someone you don’t trust, but the love will be impaired because you will be living in fear. Likewise, it will be very difficult for you to feel loved by someone you don’t trust.
Betrayal happens in all sorts of subtle ways between partners and erodes the level of love between them. When you are genuinely falling in love with someone, you both do everything possible to create and sustain trust.
15. You have shared values and plans for the future.
Without shared values and a shared vision for what's to come, your relationship has nowhere to go.
When your values align and you see a future together, it creates space for you to fall in love.
16. You laugh about their annoying qualities, rather than feel repulsed.
If you get annoyed about anything in life, you will get annoyed by some of your partner’s traits. Wherever you go, there you are, so all the feelings that arise in you when you are single will still arise in you with a partner.
When you genuinely fall in love with someone, you can laugh at their annoying qualities, or at least brush them off a good deal of the time. If they are so repulsive that you can’t tolerate them, then you’re probably not really in love with them (and you may even have some repressed self-repulsion associated with the specific behavior that bothers you).
17. You feel more sensitive than you did before meeting them.
Similar to being a parent, when you are in love, you feel more vulnerable and tender overall.
You are responsible to someone else, and you are vulnerable to them. Your heart is exposed, and that is a normal part of falling in love.
18. You invest time, emotion, and energy into the relationship.
We put energy into what we want to see you grow. When you put energy into a relationship, it is a sign of your hope that the love will continue.