Heather Hans

Not NormalTrue or false?  In a relationship you are to be treated kindly, respectfully, lovingly, like a king or a queen, like a prince or a princess.  True or false?  True! If you are treated any way but nice, that is NOT NORMAL.

Most people with low self-esteem get involved in relationships with people who are NOT NORMAL, and therefore they treat them not nice.  Not respectfully, not kindly.  They are so wrapped up in their own junk that they don’t know how to treat you well, and so you begin to feel like that is the normal way.  That is the status quo.  “Well, since I’m not going to get anything better, I might as well stick with this treatment, which is not nice, but at least it’s somebody, and that must be the way people act because all of the people I've been with have treated me like that.”  Not true!

Let me tell you a little story.  In my past, I had been in and out of relationships that were less than satisfying, to put it nicely.  These people did not treat me well, on many different levels.  Some of them were totally emotionally and/or physically unavailable, others were aggressive and treated me like a ‘damsel in distress’ which was condescending and had to do with their ego more than anything, and some just plain didn't know how to treat me.  And it wasn't until I decided that I was better off alone than in these miserable relationships.  However, because that was what I had known for most of the relationships, I thought that’s how they were.  My pseudo-father, John Dellagloria, who lives in Miami, would say to me, “Heather, I just want you to meet a nice, normal person.”

Nice, normal, what’s that?  Enter Jacques.  Jacques came into my life at a time when I had decided to bag relationships unless and until someone could come in who was nice and normal.  He was much younger than me, from France, had that intoxicating French charm, but not a womanizer.  This guy was the most kind, respectful, sensitive, loyal, giving person I had ever met and been with.  When I would say things like, “You are so nice.”  He would say back to me, “It is normal to be nice.”  When I would say, “You are so respectful.”  He would say, “It is normal to be respectful.”  And, when we would talk about some of those previous relationships I had been in he would say, “That didn't have to do with you.  Those people were not normal.  That was their problem.”

If all you know are people who treat you less than ‘up to par’ then they are not normal, but you are, and you deserve someone who treats you like gold.  That is normal.

My question for you is, are you ready to elevate yourself to, not even the highest standard, but to a normal standard, to be treated very, very well?


Heather Hans, LCSW, MSW, MBA, CPIC, is a Visionary, Healer & Teacher, and the author of The Heart of Self-Love: How to Radiate with ConfidenceIt is Heather's firm belief that loving oneself is necessary to have fulfilling relationships and a successful life.