Heather Hans

Guess what!  You teach people how to treat you by the way you treat yourself.

When you say, “People aren’t good to me.  People treat me badly,” that’s because you treat yourself like that.  You are neglecting yourself in some way.  We all teach others how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves.

If you have self-respect, people will respect you.  If you act like a doormat, you will be under people’s feet and they’re going to be wiping their soil all over you, as a doormat.  And then you come back and say, “People don’t treat me well.”  It’s because you are treating yourself like a doormat.  If you say, “I am so unworthy,” eventually people will believe you.  I had a client once who was adamant about being a loser, and no matter what I said to him to try and convince him that he was not a loser, he wanted to be a loser.  He wanted to be, and at a certain point I said, “I’m not going to argue with you anymore, then.  Be unworthy.”

If you say, “I am a rock star,” you’re going to be treated like a rock star.  There is nothing cooler than being a rock star.  And, if you say, “I am special.  I am special!  I am special, and you are special, then you will be treated like a precious gem.  You have to know these things in your heart, not just say them to yourself.  If you don’t believe it, try it on for a while.  Practice makes perfect.  Try it on.  Treat yourself the way you want to be treated by other people and you will notice a difference.

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You can play with energy like this all the time.  It’s fun!  Go to the store, and put off a certain vibe.  Decide what vibe you want to put off, and you’ll notice that people react to you in a certain way.  If you want to be treated really well, go in there feeling like you are someone special.  You are special!  People will treat you in kind.

We treat others according to the vibe that they put off, and the vibe that they put off is how they treat themselves.  If you’re always taking care of everyone else’s needs but your own, you are neglecting yourself, and you are saying, “I am unworthy.”  The irony is that you feel like, “All I ever do is take care of everyone around me.  Why don’t they treat me well?”  It’s because you’re not treating yourself well.  You get respect by respecting yourself, and when you do that you tell other people it’s okay to also treat themselves well.

You are a role model for everyone in this world, and if you shine and treat yourself like the gem that you are others will follow in your footsteps and say, “I want some of that.  I want to treat myself like that, and I want to be treated like that.”

What is your sign?  What do you carry on your head?


Heather Hans, LCSW, MSW, MBA, CPIC, is a Visionary, Healer & Teacher, and the author of The Heart of Self-Love: How to Radiate with ConfidenceIt is Heather's firm belief that loving oneself is necessary to have fulfilling relationships and a successful life.